Glendale, AZ – NFL and Superbowl officials have made a public statement at 11:25 AM this morning, alerting news media outlets that Superbowl XLIX has been postposed “until further notice” due to a terrorist threat made last night via phone call. The phone call, now under investigation by the FBI and respective law enforcement agencies, threatened that unless a ransom was paid within 48 hours, a massive tsunami wave will be sent to the University of Phoenix Stadium, located in Glendale, Arizona.
The ransom consisted of a bizarre combination of miscellaneous items including a George Foreman Grill, a private seven hour 1-on-1 interview with Marshawn Lynch, and a deflated football signed by Katy Perry.
University of Phoenix Stadium Manager Roger Malloney stated that “the stadium takes every threat received very seriously” and that “while we are aware that the nearest ocean is hundreds of miles away, we need to ensure the safety of our football fans as well as the teams who will be playing”. A tsunami – a massive ocean wave that usually occurs along the coast after an earthquake or natural force, has never reached Arizona in the entire history of the United States – but Phoenix Stadium officials are taking every possible precaution. “We have hired twelve oceanology experts from highly respected Universities all over the world to investigate this matter and determine whether or not this threat has any basis. Until we can determine that the stadium is safe, the game we love will be postponed until further notice.” – Roger Malloney, University of Phoenix Stadium Manager
Note: The NFL has also made it very clear that NFL team members will still be fined for not attending the game at the designated date and time, regardless of tsunami.