BEVERLY HILLS, CA – Tiger Woods was reportedly “deeply saddened” after winning his 17th consecutive Masters Trophy, citing “misdirection” and “embarrassment” relating to his playing style and attitude on the green. Woods made the following statement to reporters outside his $23 million dollar Beverly Hills mansion earlier this morning: “I am ashamed and embarrassed at my 17th consecutive Masters win, after successfully winning the Masters 16 times before, I tried to give the title away this year, but I have been utterly unsuccessful.” At this point in the speech Wood’s paused briefly to regain his composure before continuing with his closing statement; “During play I attempted to make a double bogey on the 18th hole, but instead accidentally made a hole in one. I ask that the media provide me and my family space as we cope with this devastating win”. After his speech, Woods used his silk 14k gold studded Gucci handkerchief and wiped away a stray tear before being driven back inside the front door of his mansion in a Rolls-Royce platimun-plated golf cart.
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